Letting Go of Mom Guilt: How to Stop Telling Yourself You “Should Feel Grateful”

By Maggie Cavanaugh

Motherhood is often described as something we should feel endlessly grateful for. And while gratitude can be meaningful, it can also become a quiet source of guilt — especially when it’s used to silence very real feelings of exhaustion, frustration, or sadness.

At Rising Sun Therapy, we often remind mothers: Two things can be true at the same time. You can love your children deeply and feel overwhelmed by motherhood.

What Is “Mom Guilt”?

Mom guilt is the persistent feeling that you’re falling short — not doing enough, not enjoying motherhood enough, or not appreciating what you have the way you’re supposed to.

This guilt is often fueled by internalized “shoulds”:

• I should feel grateful.

• I shouldn’t complain.

• Other moms have it harder than I do.

  
  

While these thoughts may sound logical, they often disconnect mothers from their authentic emotional experience.

What the Research Tells Us

Scientific research helps explain why mom guilt is so common:

• A survey of 900 mothers found that about 78% reported feeling guilty about their parenting choices, and 68% experienced that guilt daily. 

• Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders affect 1 in 5 women — often accompanied by shame or guilt that delays seeking support

• Research literature also discusses maternal guilt and shame as common experiences tied to social expectations and intensive mothering ideals.

  
  

Guilt doesn’t motivate healing — it often keeps mothers stuck.

Gratitude vs. Emotional Honesty

Gratitude is healthiest when it’s chosen, not forced. When mothers tell themselves they should feel grateful, they often:

• Minimize their own pain

• Avoid asking for help

• Feel isolated or ashamed for struggling

True emotional wellbeing comes from allowing space for all emotions — not just the socially acceptable ones.

A Therapist’s Perspective

Maggie Cavanaugh, pre-licensed therapist at Rising Sun Therapy, specializes in maternal mental health and works closely with mothers navigating guilt, identity shifts, and emotional overwhelm.

Maggie helps clients:

• Untangle guilt from values

• Practice self-compassion without judgment

• Replace “should” statements with curiosity

• Build emotional resilience through honesty and support

As Maggie often reminds clients: Feeling depleted doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful — it means you’re human.

Letting Go of the “Shoulds”

Healing begins when mothers give themselves permission to feel what they feel — without comparison or self-criticism.

You don’t need to earn rest. You don’t need to justify your emotions. You don’t need to be grateful to deserve support.

If mom guilt feels heavy, you don’t have to carry it alone.